'Twas The Night Before Christmas, Legal Version
WHEREAS, on or about the night before Christmas, there did occur at a certain residence (hereinafter known as "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, i.e. stockings, we're hung by the chimney with care in said House, in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would be there sometime thereafter.
The minors, i.e. the children, of said House, were nestled all snug in their beds, wherein visions of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in dreams in their heads.
WHEREUPON, Mamma (the party of the first part), and I (the party of the second part), being joint-owners of the House, had retired for a long winters nap. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, i.e.: kerchief and cap.)
When out on the lawn of said House, there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. The party of the first part sprang from the bed to investigate the cause of the disturbance.
THEREAFTER, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named Rudolph may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.
Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts.
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.
However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"